Selecting a groom from software industry…


Selecting a groom from software industry….

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Seeing a Woman: A conversation between a father and son


Someday I am going to have to have the conversation with my son. No, not the conversation all parents dread giving and all kids are mortified having. I enjoy making people uncomfortable so that conversation should be fun.

No, I’m talking about another conversation. The one that happens after I catch his eye doing what male eyes do well – following an object of lust. We will probably be out at the mall, because that’s what dads do with their sons, and I’ll catch the look. Maybe we’ll go to the beach and see it. Doesn’t matter where it is, there will come a time when I will see it. And then it will be time for this conversation.

*****

Hey, come here. Let me talk to you. I saw you look at her. I’m not judging you or shaming you. I know why you did. I get it. But we have to talk about it because how you look at a woman matters.

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– See more at: http://natepyle.com/seeing-a-woman/#sthash.qMBy64N9.dpuf

A Very Good Conclusion To A ‘Sunni-Shia’ Debate


So today I decided to read a 1.6K+ comments long Sunni-Shia debate on Khurram Zaki’s wall instead of reading what I just started reading today: Kiran Desai’s ‘The Inheritance of Loss’, and I don’t regret it but I do have few things to say before jotting down my conclusion on that very debate.

Few things that I was indoctrinated with in my childhood:
1) Shias killed Imam Hussein,
2) Shias have their own Quran,
3) Shias pray only two times a day,
4) Shias practice incest,
5) You can eat in one plate with a Christian but with a Shia? No way!
And other stupid stuff.

Took me years to get rid of this indoctrination. How? I was blessed enough to study in a boarding school where Sunnis, Shias, Ahmadi, all shared one common hall of prayers. And I was blessed enough not only to read ‘5’ prayers standing next to Shias but also learn about their school of thought directly from them. Believe me or not, I don’t give a duck, but yeah I’ve seen them read the same Quran and offer prayers 5 times a day. And although I didn’t get a chance to share a plate, mess manners they call it, but we did eat together for 5 odd years. Why am I telling you all this? B/c very very few are blessed enough to see the truth for themselves. The remainder keeps the hatred preserved until it is transferred down to the next generation, and in some cases this hatred is mobilised in the wrong direction by the wrong people for the wrong reasons? Result? Hazara killings, Parachinar blasts, etc (etc being stuff the we can’t recall, shame on us!)

My conclusion: Most Sunnis lack reasoning and as a consequence easily get frustrated leading to either verbal or physical abuse.

Once a lady, which I consider my wee sister although she is elder in age, asked me: “Nauman, are you a Shia?”
I never replied but now I feel like, and here’s my reply: “For me, in the words of Carl Sagan, every human is precious, because not in a billion, lets say trillion, galaxies would I find another. And Salman Rushdie is no exception. I make no exceptions!”

Nauman Umair

Ramadan Mubarak


Ramadan al Mubarak Ramazan Kareem

اے لوگو جو ایمان لائے ہو، تم پر روزے فرض کر دیے گئے، جس طرح تم سے پہلے انبیا کے پیروؤں پر فرض کیے” گئے تھے اس سے توقع ہے کہ تم میں تقویٰ کی صفت پیدا ہوگی.”

[2:183]

Team Spiced Up Wishes you and your family a happy prosperous Ramazan.

You should date an illiterate girl


“Date a girl who doesn’t read. Find her in the weary squalor of a Midwestern bar. Find her in the smoke, drunken sweat, and vari coloured light of an upscale nightclub. Wherever you find her, find her smiling. Make sure that it lingers when the people that are talking to her look away. Engage her with unsentimental trivialities. Use pick-up lines and laugh inwardly. Take her outside when the night overstays its welcome. Ignore the palpable weight of fatigue. Kiss her in the rain under the weak glow of a street lamp because you’ve seen it in film. Remark at its lack of significance. Take her to your apartment. Dispatch with making love. Fuck her.

Let the anxious contract you’ve unwittingly written evolve slowly and uncomfortably into a relationship. Find shared interests and common ground like sushi, and folk music. Build an impenetrable bastion upon that ground. Make it sacred. Retreat into it every time the air gets stale, or the evenings get long. Talk about nothing of significance. Do little thinking. Let the months pass unnoticed. Ask her to move in. Let her decorate. Get into fights about inconsequential things like how the fucking shower curtain needs to be closed so that it doesn’t fucking collect mold. Let a year pass unnoticed. Begin to notice.

Figure that you should probably get married because you will have wasted a lot of time otherwise. Take her to dinner on the forty-fifth floor at a restaurant far beyond your means. Make sure there is a beautiful view of the city. Sheepishly ask a waiter to bring her a glass of champagne with a modest ring in it. When she notices, propose to her with all of the enthusiasm and sincerity you can muster. Do not be overly concerned if you feel your heart leap through a pane of sheet glass. For that matter, do not be overly concerned if you cannot feel it at all. If there is applause, let it stagnate. If she cries, smile as if you’ve never been happier. If she doesn’t, smile all the same.

Let the years pass unnoticed. Get a career, not a job. Buy a house. Have two striking children. Try to raise them well. Fail, frequently. Lapse into a bored indifference. Lapse into an indifferent sadness. Have a mid-life crisis. Grow old. Wonder at your lack of achievement. Feel sometimes contented, but mostly vacant and ethereal. Feel, during walks, as if you might never return, or as if you might blow away on the wind. Contract a terminal illness. Die, but only after you observe that the girl who didn’t read never made your heart oscillate with any significant passion, that no one will write the story of your lives, and that she will die, too, with only a mild and tempered regret that nothing ever came of her capacity to love.

Do those things, god damnit, because nothing sucks worse than a girl who reads. Do it, I say, because a life in purgatory is better than a life in hell. Do it, because a girl who reads possesses a vocabulary that can describe that amorphous discontent as a life unfulfilled—a vocabulary that parses the innate beauty of the world and makes it an accessible necessity instead of an alien wonder. A girl who reads lays claim to a vocabulary that distinguishes between the specious and soulless rhetoric of someone who cannot love her, and the inarticulate desperation of someone who loves her too much. A vocabulary, god damnit, that makes my vacuous sophistry a cheap trick.

Do it, because a girl who reads understands syntax. Literature has taught her that moments of tenderness come in sporadic but knowable intervals. A girl who reads knows that life is not planar; she knows, and rightly demands, that the ebb comes along with the flow of disappointment. A girl who has read up on her syntax senses the irregular pauses—the hesitation of breath—endemic to a lie. A girl who reads perceives the difference between a parenthetical moment of anger and the entrenched habits of someone whose bitter cynicism will run on, run on well past any point of reason, or purpose, run on far after she has packed a suitcase and said a reluctant goodbye and she has decided that I am an ellipsis and not a period and run on and run on. Syntax that knows the rhythm and cadence of a life well lived.

Date a girl who doesn’t read because the girl who reads knows the importance of plot. She can trace out the demarcations of a prologue and the sharp ridges of a climax. She feels them in her skin. The girl who reads will be patient with an intermission and expedite a denouement. But of all things, the girl who reads knows most the ineluctable significance of an end. She is comfortable with them. She has bid farewell to a thousand heroes with only a twinge of sadness.

Don’t date a girl who reads because girls who read are the storytellers. You with the Joyce, you with the Nabokov, you with the Woolf. You there in the library, on the platform of the metro, you in the corner of the café, you in the window of your room. You, who make my life so god damned difficult. The girl who reads has spun out the account of her life and it is bursting with meaning. She insists that her narratives are rich, her supporting cast colorful, and her typeface bold. You, the girl who reads, make me want to be everything that I am not. But I am weak and I will fail you, because you have dreamed, properly, of someone who is better than I am. You will not accept the life that I told of at the beginning of this piece. You will accept nothing less than passion, and perfection, and a life worthy of being storied. So out with you, girl who reads. Take the next southbound train and take your Hemingway with you. I hate you. I really, really, really hate you.

– Charles Warnke, Thought Catalog.


“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
– Mae West

In reference to the above quote, I would like to share a message I just received on my phone.

Take some chances in your beautiful life.

Tell the truth.

Learn to say NO gently and sometimes firmly.

Spend your money on the things that you love.

Get to know someone random.

Tell an idiot how he/she hurts you!

Scold someone who deserves it.

Give someone a smile when they need it and make sure you get many too =) 

Be naughty like a child

Live, love, laugh and keep smiling.

Because, YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE!

Believe and Achieve


“To achieve, we must not only act but also dream, not only plan, but also believe”

The 3 most important things: Dream, believe and achieve.

Here’s a simple definition of belief: A belief is an assumed truth.

Hence everything is a belief, including this statement. It is the root or foundation of our way of thinking. In normal life we do not question or filter our own belief. We take our beliefs as it is. It includes the values that we have.

Whereas achieve means to make our goals by having a strong belief..

It is said that keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember! all things are possible for those who believe.

Whatever you’ll believe you’ll achieve it in the end. Just the point is to have a firm belief in what you want or what you are longing for.

Believe and Achieve explains exactly how the personal, intellectual, attitudinal, fraternal, and spiritual principles used can be applied by you to reach your goals.

Why Am I Always So Tired?


In “Pakistan’s Sleep Deficit” I explain why adequate sleep is as important to life as food and water.  The research backs me up on this, as insufficient or irregular sleep has been implicated in heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, overeating, drug and alcohol abuse, and depression.  Sleep deprivation also compromises the immune system, leaving one more susceptible to illnesses of all kinds, from colds to cancer.
 
In “Pakistan’s Sleep Deficit”  I explore the unfortunate fact that most Americans consider sleep a luxury, and berate anyone who sleeps “too much” or “too late,” although what constitutes “too much” sleep is an arbitrary standard that ignores the variability of people’s sleep requirements.
 
In the mid 20th centuries, most Pakistanis averaged 8 to 8 ½ hours of sleep per night.  Today the average is 6 hours, which means that many Pakistanis suffer from chronic sleep deprivation.
 
Ayesha, a young woman I know who is graduating from college this summer, was complaining to me recently that she sleeps way too much.  Even her roommates call her lazy and tease her about always needing naps, even after a “full night’s sleep.”
 
I asked her about her sleep regimen.  Four years ago when this same young woman had described frequently sleeping 16 hours at a stretch and still feeling exhausted, I had pressed her to get tested for mono.
 
Back then, as it happens, she had mono.
 
This time, though, the sleep pattern she described consisted of sleeping from midnight to 8:00 a.m. every day.  She went to bed at the same time and got up at the same time quite regularly.
 
And yet, she lamented, she still had to have a nap when she got home from class each day.
 
“Has it occurred to you,” I asked, “that you might be one of the many people who need more than 8 hours of sleep a night?”
 
“But that can’t be normal!” she exclaimed.
 
But it is normal.  I, for example, need 8 ½ hours of sleep per night.  I can manage on less, and usually I am forced to get by on much less.  But if I want to pop out of bed well-rested and ready to face the day with a full charge of energy, I need those 8 ½ hours.
 
I suspect one reason I need extra sleep is that my allergies cause my sleep to be less solid than it would be if I could breathe more comfortably while sleeping.  A lot of people have their sleep quality undermined by breathing problems caused by allergies and, more seriously, sleep apnea.  Whatever the reason, though, anything less than 8 ½ hours leaves me tired and in need of a double jolt of caffeine to help me get started in the morning.
 
After I told her that I need 8 ½ hours of sleep, Ayesha told me that 8-10 hours is what she requires, too, and she had always felt guilty about being so “lazy”–a feeling that has been reinforced by all the people who tease her about being lazy because she sleeps “too much.”  She was actually relieved when I told her she probably wasn’t sleeping enough!
 
Some people do very well on 7 hours of sleep a night.  Some lucky folks need only 6, and there have been documented cases of people whose sleep requirement was a mere 5 hours.
 
But the 8-hour standard that most people put such faith in is actually an average, which means that some people need more sleep than that, some less.  And whatever your body’s natural sleep requirement is, it is non-negotiable.
 
Every hour of sleep debt you accumulate must be paid off.  A certain amount of sleep debt is necessary: after all, we must be awake part of the day in order to be able to sleep at all at night.  But excess sleep debt, accumulated sleep debt that is not paid off, will drag you down, and the more of it you accumulate, the worse you will feel–and the less optimally you will perform on any task.
 
If you need, say, 9 hours a night but only permit yourself  8, then after a 5-day work week you will have accumulated 5 hours of excess sleep debt that you will have to repay.  People usually do this by sleeping 2 or 3 hours late on Saturday and Sunday–that is, if they allow themselves to catch up on sleep at all.
 
If they don’t, then their sleep debt will continue to accumulate, until at some point they simply crash and sleep for 12, 17, 20, or more hours at a stretch.  We all know people who do this from time to time.  Heck, most of us do this from time to time.

How much sleep do you need to wake up easily, without an alarm clock (or two or three, or four, as many of us require!), and eager to get up and face the day?
 
Most Pakistanis actually don’t even know their own body’s sleep requirement, because for as long as they can remember, they have been dragging themselves out of bed before they are “slept out.”  Whether it is the pressure of school or a job, or whether they just can’t stop playing video games, surfing the net, or watching TV, no Electricity, Noise most Pakistanis normally do not get enough sleep.
 
In order to find out how much sleep you need, you would have to allow yourself to sleep until you awaken naturally for several weeks.  The first week or two, you would sleep a lot of extra hours, because you would be working off your sleep debt.
 
Then you’d need one or two weeks of normal sleep, to allow your body to find its natural sleeping pattern.
 
I never got to do this until I was 18 years old!  That’s when I found out that with 8 ½ hours of sleep I am a turbocharged dynamo.  How wonderful it felt to leap out of bed without regret each morning and go about my work with all the energy I needed to get it done.  For a while I even gave up my morning coffee.
 
The set of circumstances that allowed me to sleep as much as I needed for several months was an aberration in my life.  It happened for the first time when I was 18, and it has not happened again in the 1 year since.
 
These days, even when I could sleep enough (as I could have during 5 weeks of last summer), I never do.  Why?  For the same reason no one else does, even when they can: because there are too many things I want to do, and I hate to “waste” my free time sleeping.
 
Usually I stay up late reading or writing.  Different people have different fixations.  But most of us have something we love to do and wish we had more time for, so when we do get free time, we are more likely to spend it on what we love to do than on paying off our sleep debt.
 
My 22-year-old friend Abdur-Rehman complains all week about how exhausted he is from his university life, his 40-hour work week, and his fairly demanding workout schedule.
 
But then on weekends, instead of sleeping, he parties with his friends until the wee hours of the morning.
 
Maybe if we were less chained to our jobs, if we had more prime time available for our own pursuits, we wouldn’t have to stay up all night to fit our fun into our lives.  But then again, it is soooo hard to put down that book, log off from the internet, or leave the party.  The fact that we can stay up all night, thanks to artificial light, means that we probably will, even though our bodies beg us for sleep.
 
But as I explain in “Pakistan’s Sleep Deficit,” chronic sleep deprivation has very serious consequences.  We would do well to listen to our bodies and make it a habit to get a good night’s sleep.
 
And that’s just what I meant to do this evening–before I let myself get caught up in writing and posting this essay.

9 Reasons It’s Time to Move On


It happens to you slowly as you grow.  You discover more about who you are and what you want, and then you realize that there are changes you need to make.  The lifestyle you’ve been living no longer fits.  The people you’ve known forever no longer see things the way you do.  So you cherish all the great memories, but find yourself moving on.

Here are nine reasons it’s time…

  1. You can learn from your history, but you can’t live in it. – You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.  Sometimes we avoid experiencing where we are because we have developed a belief, based on past experiences, that it is not where we should be or want to be.  But the truth is, where you are now is exactly where you need to be to get to where you want to go tomorrow.
  2. Some things aren’t meant to be. – Everything from your past does not belong in your present.  To hold onto relationships and circumstances that have already moved on without you is to stay stuck in a place and time that no longer exists.  Moving on doesn’t mean you completely forget the wonderful things from your past, it just means that you find a positive way of surviving without them in your present.
  3. Life is shorter than is often seems. – While you are complaining about all the little problems in your life, somebody is desperately fightingfor their right to live.  You own every minute that you pass through, and that it is up to you to make the best use of each one of them.  Because someday, suddenly, there will be no more minutes.
  4. Holding on to pain is self abuse. – Your past has given you the strength and wisdom you have today, so celebrate it.  Don’t let it haunt you.  Replaying a painful memory over and over in your head is a form of self abuse.  Toxic thoughts create a toxic life.  Make peace with yourself and your past.  When you heal your thoughts, you heal the health of your happiness.  So stop focusing on old problems and things you don’t want in your future.  The more you think about them, the more you attract what you fear into your everyday experiences – you become your own worst enemy.
  5. Some things are out of your control. – No matter what happens, no matter the outcome, you’re going to be just fine.  Let the things you can’t control, happen.  Allow the universe to bless you in surprising and joyful ways.  What if, instead of pushing so hard to make life happen, you decided to let go a little and allow life to happen to you?  What if, instead of trying to always be in control, you sometimes surrendered control to something bigger than yourself?  What if, instead of working so hard to figure out every last answer, you allowed yourself to be guided to the solution in perfect timing?
  6. The past never changes. – You can spend hours, days, weeks, months, or even years sitting alone in a dark room, over-analyzing a situation from the past, trying to put the pieces together, and justifying what could’ve or sould’ve happened.  Or you can just leave the pieces in the dark and walk out the front door into the sunlight to get some fresh air.
  7. Moving on creates positive change. – You may blame everyone else and think, “Poor me!  Why do all these crappy things keep happening to me?”  But the only thing those scenarios all have in common is YOU.  And this is good news, because it means YOU alone have the power to change things, or change the way you think about things.  There is something very powerful and liberating about surrendering to change and embracing it – this is where personal growth and evolution reside.
  8. New opportunities are out there waiting for you. – Nobody gets through life without losing someone they love, something they need, or something they thought was meant to be.  But it is these losses that make us stronger and eventually move us toward future opportunities.  Embrace these opportunities.  Enter new relationships and new situations, knowing that you are venturing into unfamiliar territory.  Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to experience something or meet someone that just might change your life forever.
  9. The world needs you to let your light shine. – The powers above added one more day in your life today, not necessarily because you need it, but because the world still needs you to let your light shine.  So starting today, fall in love.  Not necessarily with a person, but with an aim, an ambition, a passion.  What would be your reason to wake up every morning with a smile?  That’s what you need to start working on today.

Sometimes when we love we are stuck loving someone who has no desire to change, or no desire to work things out with us in an effort to make things better, or to keep the relationship on a track of growth and fulfillment. There comes a point in time in some relationships that we must realize the only option that we have to live a good life is to let what is weighing us down in life go.